Londoner2Londoner
Petite anglaise a lire d urgence!!!
(#)
The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the European Union, rather than German (the other possibility). As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a five year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish (EE).
The agreed plan is as follows:
In one year, the soft 'c' would be replaced by 's'.' Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be replaced by 'k'. This should end up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year. When the troublesome 'ph' is replaced by 'f' . This will reduce the word 'fotograf' by 20 percent. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Govermnents will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's in the language is disgraceful and they should eliminate them.
By year four peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replacing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v' (saving mor keybond spas). During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and simiflar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve wil hav a reli sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
(from an English language newspaper in Budapest)
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The agreed plan is as follows:
In one year, the soft 'c' would be replaced by 's'.' Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be replaced by 'k'. This should end up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year. When the troublesome 'ph' is replaced by 'f' . This will reduce the word 'fotograf' by 20 percent. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Govermnents will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's in the language is disgraceful and they should eliminate them.
By year four peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replacing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v' (saving mor keybond spas). During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and simiflar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve wil hav a reli sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
(from an English language newspaper in Budapest)
There are four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.
Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Un article interessant sur les risques de l expatriation via casabloga (#)
The big list of blogs donne un maximum d adresses via Tubbydev (#)
Joke
George W. Bush, président des USA & Condoleezza Rice, conseillère à la sécurité nationale:
G.B: Condi ! Nice to see you. What's happening ?
R: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
G.B: Great. Lay it on me.
R: Hu is the new leader of China.
G.B: That's what I want to know.
R: That's what I'm telling you.
G.B: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China ?
R: Yes.
G.B: I mean the fellow's name.
R: Hu.
G.B: The guy in China.
R: Hu.
G.B: The new leader of China.
R: Hu.
G.B: The Chinaman !
R: Hu is leading China.
G.B: Now whaddya' asking me for ?
R: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
G.B: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ?
R: That's the man's name.
G.B: That's whose name ?
R: Yes.
G.B: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China ?
R: Yes, sir.
G.B: Yassir ? Yassir Arafat is in China ? I thought he was in the Middle East.
R: That's correct.
G.B: Then who is in China ?
R: Yes, sir.
G.B: Yassir is in China ?
R: No, sir.
G.B: Then who is ?
R: Yes, sir.
G.B: Yassir ?
R: No, sir.
G.B: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
R: Kofi ?
G.B: No, thanks.
R: You want Kofi ?
G.B: No.
R: You don't want Kofi.
G.B: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
R: Yes, sir.
G.B: Not Yassir ! The guy at the U.N.
R: Kofi ?
G.B: Milk ! Will you please make the call ?
R: And call who ?
G.B: Who is the guy at the U.N ?
R: Hu is the guy in China.
G.B: Will you stay out of China ?!
R: Yes, sir.
G.B: And stay out of the Middle East ! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
R: Kofi.
G.B: All right ! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone)
R: Rice, here.
G.B: Rice ? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East ?
